My husband and I recently celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. He surprised me with a trip back to where it all began. The beachfront venue where we had our wedding reception is now an utterly amazing resort.
Our anniversary usually overlaps with Mother's Day week. Funny how the Lord did that. I think He knew even then that I would need something else to celebrate every year. Something to keep my mind off of my own infertility.
While sitting by the pool, overlooking the ocean, there was a cute couple. The wife was visibly pregnant; I'd guess maybe 7 months along. Her husband was attending to her gently as they flipped through a book of baby names. She'd read one out and then they'd discuss what they liked and didn't like about each name. Lots of laughing and smiling, recalling names that they would never consider as they reminded them of some crazy friend that was the life of the party in college. Other names they said were too trendy and some they nodded in agreement were worth considering. And as they passed the book back and forth between them it made me remember a time when this scene would have brought me to tears instead of making me smile. It was a time when my disappointment, envy, and feelings of inadequacy would have overwhelmed my desire to just enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean before me.
All I can say is I'm thankful.
Thankful for God's grace that has been sufficient to see me through those years of heartache and raw emotion - to a place now where I can be at peace. Still wondering what might have been if a child had become part of our story, still wondering what He might yet have in store. But at peace with whatever His Will is and grateful for the blessings and opportunities that He's filled our lives with instead.
Thank you, Father, for drying those tears. Thank you for the glimpses you give me into what may have been; for those moments of motherhood that I may never experience myself, but that I can now smile at and celebrate for others. I still have my moments of sadness, but I know it is only by your grace that today I can celebrate for others and say it is well, it is well, with my soul.
♥ Jamila
Read more about my infertility journey on my post He Turned My Misery Into My Ministry.
Jamila is the founder of loved+blessed. On her personal mission to leave a legacy of encouragement, she blogs about her own life lessons with the hope that it will bring joy into others’ lives and help them find the courage to keep walking in faith knowing that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. Read her testimony of how God turned her misery into ministry.
Comments
Jamila said:
Tischa, I love you so much Sis!! I’m actually speechless at how to respond to this. My heart is overwhelmed and again, God is right on time, using you this time to encourage me on the eve of Mother’s Day. I’ll be calling you tomorrow to return the love. :) xoxo
Jamila said:
Laura, thank you. I can’t express how much it means that you would go before the Lord on my behalf. Thank you, thank you, God bless you.
Tischa said:
This wonderful woman who expresses her thoughts on God’s grace is a marvel, my sister and yes, she is a mother. Though she may not have given birth to a child of her own, she is a mother to her Goddaughter, my daughter, Nailah and she is a great role model, teacher and friend to her. Jamila’s love for God is so great that despite her own pain and loss, always manages to make time for and be a blessing to those who are fortunate enough to know her. She spreads her brand of God-given magic to all through her beautiful smile, warm heart and tender words.
This wonderful sister-mother-woman is a strength giver. I lost my beloved mother this past January very unexpectedly. To say that I was lost would be an understatement. My sister, Jamila, called me almost in tears, to tell me that she didn’t think she would make it to New Jersey for the funeral. She was scheduled to speak at a conference and could not get a connecting flight. I told her that I understood, and I really did, but what you don’t know is that God was speaking to my heart telling me that she would be there. He knew that I needed her and I knew that she would be there. The Lord brought my sister safely to me to comfort me through my grief and just as swiftly as she arrived, she was gone. But she was there…as always when Nailah and I need her.
My sister, you are a mother and I know that the Lord has not forgotten you. Your child is coming and when he or she is bestowed upon you, you will continue to be the awesome blessing that you are to that child as you are to all of us who love you.
God bless you and Happy Mother’s Day!
Mommy, please keep watch over us all—We love and miss you! Happy Mother’s Day 🌹 My Angel!
Tischa
Laura Reimer said:
This is precious. While we have three grown children, I can relate to looking at other lives and how they do “family” and get tear-filled instead of faith-filled. It’s the same enemy breathing the same lies and the same old flesh that believes them in all of us, isn’t it? But if we truly and genuinely mourn what we think we have lost or missed out on…and we let it all out day after day, tear after tear, prayer after prayer in the presence of the Lord…He does an amazing work of healing. Yes He does. Your writing here is so tender and I am sitting here with prayers lifted for you dear Jamila and I am lifting you right now to our Heavenly Father who loves you so much and who will continue to wrap you up in His comfort as you rest in Him AND as you take the healing and get up and help others along the same path. Bless you Bless you <3